Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Pink and Blue Parachutes

God: Ok jumpers (claps hands together) We're gonna have a great jump today! I want all of you to grab a parachute and a handbook. These two things will be your only lifeline on your way down. They will ensure you hit the ground safely and have a thrilling ride on the way. (paces the cargo hull) You will find there are two colors of parachutes. Pick one and group up. I want the blues to stand behind the illuminated arrows on the floor, ready to jump out of the right side. (points with 2 fingers) The pinks ready to jump out of the left (points with 2 fingers). Make sure your handbook matches the color of your chute. There is no rectifying that situation, after you jump, should you mess it up. Find your chutes and handbooks on my mark. AND Three. . two. . (deep inhale- blows whistle).

(group scatters)

God: We don't have all eternity jumpers! Group up.

Jesus: They look to be ready sir!

God: It is good! Ok jumpers, you have your chutes and your handbooks well in order. I want you to listen carefully to my instructions. Jesus here will demonstrate while I explain the procedure. Your chute is worn like so. Your handbook must be read and understood in order to operate your chute correctly. You may start reading it AFTER you jump, but BEFORE you hit the ground. Should you botch this up, there is no second chance.

Jesus: Sir, we're nearing the drop zone.

God: Ok jumpers! This is it. One last thing before you go. The way your chute deploys depends on your color. Blues, make sure to read your instructions. Get familiar with your equipment. Play around with it. Have some fun. Then land safely the way you're supposed to. PINKS! I want you to read your handbook and don't try any funny business. Your equipment works differently from the blues. It's a little harder to play around with and not as fun, but you'll figure it out. Land safely!

Jesus: We've reached it sir! The drop zone!

God: Here we go jumpers! This is it. See you at base camp. Pinks, you'll be first at everything starting now. On my mark. Four- Three- Two (blows whistle)

(doors open, floors drop out. . pinks plunge out of sight)

God: Ok blues, with the pinks gone I have one thing to say to you. The pinks equipment is more complicated . . but it will outlast yours. Your equipment is much less complicated and will get you to the ground faster but its design is capable of more tricks . . Have fun but don't get crazy! On my mark. Three- Two- One (blows whistle)

(doors open, floors drop out. . blues plunge out of sight)

God: There they go! Another smooth deployment. Hope they all make it safely to the ground.

Jesus: ahem. Uh, sir. What about them?

God: what do you mean? What about who?

Jesus: That group over there, sir.

God: Don't' be ridiculous. There are no other. . .OH, Jesus!

Jesus: What sir?

God: Oh I meant "Jesus!" as an expletive.

Jesus: Yes sir.

God: Right then. Why are they still here?

Jesus: We appear to be out of parachutes sir.

God: Nonsens. You mean we're out of PINK AND BLUE parachutes. We brought just enough pink and blue parachutes for only 95% of the jumpers.

Jesus: Sir?

God: Ok fine, give or take 3 percent.

Jesus: So these jumpers don't get a pink or blue parachute?

God: (To Jesus) Follow my lead. (to jumpers) Right. Now YOU jumpers are the lucky saps to get neither a pink nor a blue parachute but rather something else. (whispers to Jesus) bring out the crate with a big question mark on it. (to jumpers) In this crate you will find your parachutes. They haven't been tested and we're not sure how they work but you'll figure it out. See you at the bottom. Ready to jump on my mark- AND three- two-

Jumper: WAIT! That's it? That's all we get? The pinks and blues got a pep talk. What about OUR "have fun but don't get crazy" bit?

God: Right. Uh. You will find that your parachutes are neither pink nor blue. . but rather a mish-mash of both pink AND blue and a variety other colors as well. And I can't rightly tell you how your's operates because I don't rightly know. But have fun. AND three- two-

Jumper: WAIT! What about our handbooks? Shouldn't we, at least, get some instructions on how our equipment works?

God: Jesus!

(dramatic pause)


God: Jesus, answer me when I call for you.

Jesus: Oh sorry sir. I thought you were using me as an expletive again.

God: Point taken. Jesus, where are the handbooks?

Jesus: I don't know sir. These chutes don't seem to have any.

God: Very well. ahem. Ok Jumpers. . uh. . . No handbooks for you. Just, uh, figure out how your equipment works, on your own, and be quick about it.

Jumper: No handbooks sir?

God: No handbooks. You will be accountable for everything the blues and pinks are accountable for and have the same amount of time to reach the ground. Don't expect any help from your preceding pinks and blues. They have no idea a non-pink-or-blue parachute even exists.

Jesus: You knew about this all along, sir?

God: That has never been confirmed or denied.

Jesus: Don't you think, sir, that these jumpers deserve more?

God: Jumpers. I am fully confident that these chutes will get you to the ground just as well as a pink or blue parachute. Keep in mind that if you do not figure out how it works, there is no second chance. You have only a limited amount of time. On my mark. AND three-

Jumpers: (unison) WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!

God: Two- One- (blows whistle)

(doors open. floors drop out. rainbow-colors plunge out of sight)

Jesus: Don't you think that was a little unfair sir?

God: Don't worry Jesus, I can see all. One out of four of them will never figure it out and will attempt to sabotage their chutes. Many will succeed and fall to their deaths. The rest will have a hard landing and scatter across the ground. Most will wish never to see me or you again and will give up the desire to fly completely. Those who still wish to fly when its over will get talked out of it by the others. Don't worry- we'll never hear from any of them again.

Jesus: I'm surprised. I sort of envisioned something else.

God: You have a better idea? They're already out the door.

Jesus: Just one, sir. (puts on a blue parachute and ties a patch of rainbow-colored fabric to his wrist) They need help sir. See you at base. On MY mark. Three- two- one-

(God bites his lip, nods and blows whistle)

-The End-

Thursday, January 21, 2010


I can't sleep tonight. I want to share some things that I just know.

I was chosen to be gay. Call it blessed, cursed or challenged: God was fully aware I would be tested to my very limits and humbled beneath the weight of sexual attractions before I was born. It seems to run contrary to life's harmony and God's plan. . but that in itself is the test. Ponder that for a minute. Being gay seems to disrupt the very essence of God's plan and yet I have not abandoned my quest for happiness and meaning. Abraham was challenged to sacrifice his son, a contadiction to God's own plan. I am asked to live a life of social stigma, lonliness, and identity confusion. I struggle to find my place in this world. I struggle to find love and its true meaning while physical attractions run backwards; against social norms and natural selection. I was up for the challenge before I got this miraculous body and I am STILL up to the challenge. Powers that be. . bring it on!. . Bring on the gay!

I have a family that loves me. . and I them. We continually over-come challenges together. I am blessed with a twin brother who looks out for me and adires me.

Death is a necessary and important transition in life. It is to be respected and celebrated. . . not feared.

There is more to this world than we can see. Spiritual matter is everywhere and through us. We are more powerful as spiritual beings than our physical bodies give us credit for. We are taught to downplay our spiritual nature and question it. To do so is foolishness. Our very nature is spiritual. We should embrace it.

God is real. He is our teacher. He is helpful. He is patient. He is relentless and passionate at being involved in our spiritual progression.

We are gifted beyond recognition. I am learning more and more about my own gifts.

Life itself is beautiful.

Tragedy and pain are necessary to our progression. God would not be a good God should he ever interfere in human suffering. I know this to be true, but its hard to explain so it makes sense to anyone else. Reference the above statements regarding death and also God's passion in teaching us.

My affirmations are subject to change at any time. I reserve the right to update and improve my affirmations when I see fit. I admit my own reasoning is flawed to a degree and I admit a strong resistance to change- but also recognise the need for flexibility and understanding.

Humans are flawed. Admitting this shows humility. Improving upon flaws and moving forward shows character.