No Dead Beat Dolphins

Why don't we hear about Dead Beat Dolphin Daddies? Because they don't exist!

To a race such as humans, in which Dads are conspicuously absent more often then than not, it might seem strange that another species on the planet would have mastered the art of fatherhood so exceptionally. It's true. Dolphin bulls are ferociously protective of their off-spring to an extent beyond belief.

Why?

During mating season, cows allow countless males to breed with them over a period of several days. Their is a short but intense courtship that is incredibly passionate and rough. The males involved are almost always within the same pod. It's one big family-sized orgy in which every dolphin, of age, participates. In fact, other bulls often assist in the mating process, helping the courtship a of fellow cows and bulls long.

When its time for the calves to be born, the bulls have no idea which calf genetically belongs to them. What do they do? Do they have a paternity test and custody battle? No! They spend the rest of their lives looking after the welfare of the ENTIRE POD. The Dolphin's sense of family is so broad that it includes multiple generations and extensions of their bloodline.

Consequently, dolphins have one of the strongest and most connected family structure of the animal kingdom.

There are no Dead Beat Dolphin Dads.

Til Madness Meets the Dawn

by: Jeromy Robison

Lay you, your armor down around

Your feet and cling to me.

And cast away the sword aboard

A night ship out to sea.

When day is done, a battle won,

Lay you, your fear aside;

Lest you afraid of mercy made,

“Adieu to worthless pride!”

You think it wise to hide your eyes?

Know I the scene they’ve seen?

If you desire to cry, then cry.

But think you, more of me.

I’ve come up through the war with you

Steadfast at ev’ry fight.

I sacrifice my rest tonight

Til morning bests the night.

In silence, sleep. I’ll tender keep

The watch from starlight on.

Let me eschew my faith anew

Til madness meets the dawn.

Pink and Blue Parachutes

God: Ok jumpers (claps hands together) We're gonna have a great jump today! I want all of you to grab a parachute and a handbook. These two things will be your only lifeline on your way down. They will ensure you hit the ground safely and have a thrilling ride on the way. (paces the cargo hull) You will find there are two colors of parachutes. Pick one and group up. I want the blues to stand behind the illuminated arrows on the floor, ready to jump out of the right side. (points with 2 fingers) The pinks ready to jump out of the left (points with 2 fingers). Make sure your handbook matches the color of your chute. There is no rectifying that situation, after you jump, should you mess it up. Find your chutes and handbooks on my mark. AND Three. . two. . (deep inhale- blows whistle).

(group scatters)

God: We don't have all eternity jumpers! Group up.

Jesus: They look to be ready sir!

God: It is good! Ok jumpers, you have your chutes and your handbooks well in order. I want you to listen carefully to my instructions. Jesus here will demonstrate while I explain the procedure. Your chute is worn like so. Your handbook must be read and understood in order to operate your chute correctly. You may start reading it AFTER you jump, but BEFORE you hit the ground. Should you botch this up, there is no second chance.

Jesus: Sir, we're nearing the drop zone.

God: Ok jumpers! This is it. One last thing before you go. The way your chute deploys depends on your color. Blues, make sure to read your instructions. Get familiar with your equipment. Play around with it. Have some fun. Then land safely the way you're supposed to. PINKS! I want you to read your handbook and don't try any funny business. Your equipment works differently from the blues. It's a little harder to play around with and not as fun, but you'll figure it out. Land safely!

Jesus: We've reached it sir! The drop zone!

God: Here we go jumpers! This is it. See you at base camp. Pinks, you'll be first at everything starting now. On my mark. Four- Three- Two (blows whistle)

(doors open, floors drop out. . pinks plunge out of sight)

God: Ok blues, with the pinks gone I have one thing to say to you. The pinks equipment is more complicated . . but it will outlast yours. Your equipment is much less complicated and will get you to the ground faster but its design is capable of more tricks . . Have fun but don't get crazy! On my mark. Three- Two- One (blows whistle)

(doors open, floors drop out. . blues plunge out of sight)

God: There they go! Another smooth deployment. Hope they all make it safely to the ground.

Jesus: ahem. Uh, sir. What about them?

God: what do you mean? What about who?

Jesus: That group over there, sir.

God: Don't' be ridiculous. There are no other. . .OH, Jesus!

Jesus: What sir?

God: Oh I meant "Jesus!" as an expletive.

Jesus: Yes sir.

God: Right then. Why are they still here?

Jesus: We appear to be out of parachutes sir.

God: Nonsens. You mean we're out of PINK AND BLUE parachutes. We brought just enough pink and blue parachutes for only 95% of the jumpers.

Jesus: Sir?

God: Ok fine, give or take 3 percent.

Jesus: So these jumpers don't get a pink or blue parachute?

God: (To Jesus) Follow my lead. (to jumpers) Right. Now YOU jumpers are the lucky saps to get neither a pink nor a blue parachute but rather something else. (whispers to Jesus) bring out the crate with a big question mark on it. (to jumpers) In this crate you will find your parachutes. They haven't been tested and we're not sure how they work but you'll figure it out. See you at the bottom. Ready to jump on my mark- AND three- two-

Jumper: WAIT! That's it? That's all we get? The pinks and blues got a pep talk. What about OUR "have fun but don't get crazy" bit?

God: Right. Uh. You will find that your parachutes are neither pink nor blue. . but rather a mish-mash of both pink AND blue and a variety other colors as well. And I can't rightly tell you how your's operates because I don't rightly know. But have fun. AND three- two-

Jumper: WAIT! What about our handbooks? Shouldn't we, at least, get some instructions on how our equipment works?

God: Jesus!

(dramatic pause)

God: JESUS!

God: Jesus, answer me when I call for you.

Jesus: Oh sorry sir. I thought you were using me as an expletive again.

God: Point taken. Jesus, where are the handbooks?

Jesus: I don't know sir. These chutes don't seem to have any.

God: Very well. ahem. Ok Jumpers. . uh. . . No handbooks for you. Just, uh, figure out how your equipment works, on your own, and be quick about it.

Jumper: No handbooks sir?

God: No handbooks. You will be accountable for everything the blues and pinks are accountable for and have the same amount of time to reach the ground. Don't expect any help from your preceding pinks and blues. They have no idea a non-pink-or-blue parachute even exists.

Jesus: You knew about this all along, sir?

God: That has never been confirmed or denied.

Jesus: Don't you think, sir, that these jumpers deserve more?

God: Jumpers. I am fully confident that these chutes will get you to the ground just as well as a pink or blue parachute. Keep in mind that if you do not figure out how it works, there is no second chance. You have only a limited amount of time. On my mark. AND three-

Jumpers: (unison) WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!

God: Two- One- (blows whistle)

(doors open. floors drop out. rainbow-colors plunge out of sight)

Jesus: Don't you think that was a little unfair sir?

God: Don't worry Jesus, I can see all. One out of four of them will never figure it out and will attempt to sabotage their chutes. Many will succeed and fall to their deaths. The rest will have a hard landing and scatter across the ground. Most will wish never to see me or you again and will give up the desire to fly completely. Those who still wish to fly when its over will get talked out of it by the others. Don't worry- we'll never hear from any of them again.

Jesus: I'm surprised. I sort of envisioned something else.

God: You have a better idea? They're already out the door.

Jesus: Just one, sir. (puts on a blue parachute and ties a patch of rainbow-colored fabric to his wrist) They need help sir. See you at base. On MY mark. Three- two- one-

(God bites his lip, nods and blows whistle)

-The End-

Affirmations

I can't sleep tonight. I want to share some things that I just know.

I was chosen to be gay. Call it blessed, cursed or challenged: God was fully aware I would be tested to my very limits and humbled beneath the weight of sexual attractions before I was born. It seems to run contrary to life's harmony and God's plan. . but that in itself is the test. Ponder that for a minute. Being gay seems to disrupt the very essence of God's plan and yet I have not abandoned my quest for happiness and meaning. Abraham was challenged to sacrifice his son, a contadiction to God's own plan. I am asked to live a life of social stigma, lonliness, and identity confusion. I struggle to find my place in this world. I struggle to find love and its true meaning while physical attractions run backwards; against social norms and natural selection. I was up for the challenge before I got this miraculous body and I am STILL up to the challenge. Powers that be. . bring it on!. . Bring on the gay!

I have a family that loves me. . and I them. We continually over-come challenges together. I am blessed with a twin brother who looks out for me and adires me.

Death is a necessary and important transition in life. It is to be respected and celebrated. . . not feared.

There is more to this world than we can see. Spiritual matter is everywhere and through us. We are more powerful as spiritual beings than our physical bodies give us credit for. We are taught to downplay our spiritual nature and question it. To do so is foolishness. Our very nature is spiritual. We should embrace it.

God is real. He is our teacher. He is helpful. He is patient. He is relentless and passionate at being involved in our spiritual progression.

We are gifted beyond recognition. I am learning more and more about my own gifts.

Life itself is beautiful.

Tragedy and pain are necessary to our progression. God would not be a good God should he ever interfere in human suffering. I know this to be true, but its hard to explain so it makes sense to anyone else. Reference the above statements regarding death and also God's passion in teaching us.

My affirmations are subject to change at any time. I reserve the right to update and improve my affirmations when I see fit. I admit my own reasoning is flawed to a degree and I admit a strong resistance to change- but also recognise the need for flexibility and understanding.

Humans are flawed. Admitting this shows humility. Improving upon flaws and moving forward shows character.

What kind of Lover am I?

What Kind of Lover am I?

No I’m not talking about sex, although that would be interesting and you all are dying to know. I’m talking about the ways that I express love to others, and the ways that I perceive love coming back to me. The idea that we, as humans, give and receive love in differing ways is a fascinating topic. Realizing how love plays into my own life provides answers to so many questions. I have been thinking on this subject for the past many months and I have finally boiled my observations and self-discoveries down to a few paragraphs and it helps me understand the world better.

How do I perceive love from others? Good question right? But why is it even important? The best way to communicate love to someone is to discover the channels through which they most strongly perceive love. Some people like to receive love notes. Some perceive love through words of affection. Others prefer practical works of kindness, like having their oil changed when they didn’t have time to do it themselves. Occasionally, the way we perceive love from others is not the way we GIVE love. For example, my father is a DOER and a PROVIDER. He makes sure his family has all of their physical and financial needs taken care of. He simply provides safety and security and that is how he loves his family. Yes, he says the words “I love you” and he gives gifts, but loves truly flows from him what he is providing the basics of life to his family.

When I was growing up, I perceived love in a different way than my father showed it. So even though he was loving me through my growing-up years. . . I didn’t feel it as strongly from him as I could have. We communicate love in conflicting ways. I know now that he loved me VERY much. I just didn’t speak his “language.” That may explain why I felt so alone and isolated as a child. Not even my identical twin brother related to me, or so I felt. I honestly did not feel loved, growing up. I am guessing, now, that’s because of the unique ways that I perceive love from others.

So here’s the question.

Q: How do I feel love the most? What needs to happen for me to truly recognize how much somebody loves me?

A: I need one on one time. I need time devoted to me; time to talk and listen. When I am alone with someone and we are sharing our thoughts and ideas, and they are truly listening and understanding me, I feel a sense of bliss, gratitude and true love. I feel valued. I bond.

I have felt true love many times. Here are some memories:

Grandma Joan talked with me. She shared about her latest book. She talked about family gossip. After she caught me up on her life she asked about what was new in mine and she didn’t butt in. Not a single word while I told her about my life’s dramas. All my walls came down. I know she understood me. She felt my pain. She understood my loneliness. She hugged me often and then offered to make lunch. Grandma is a DOER like my Dad. She showed love by making food and providing and controlling. But she magically knew that I needed to be heard. I needed time to just speak my feelings. That is how I know Grandma loved me.

I have a friend, Scott, who listens to me. He knows I occasionally get overwhelmed. He is a very good listener and he actually gives me his time when I need someone. I know he cares. He’s my best friend. That’s what friends do, and Scott knows I need it sometimes, so he indulges me.

My twin brother has been calling me, and visiting me and taking an interest in my life. He says he wants to meet my friends. He is interested in my music and my writing. He didn’t seem interested in those things for most of my life, and he wasn’t interested in my life, my friends, my music etc. But now, it seems things have changed and he comes around. We talk of important issues like God, family and relationships- and we see eye to eye. We do lunches together. We cook together. We laugh. I feel SO LOVED by my brother, Jason- more than ever. He spends time. He GIVES me time. He takes an interest in everything that is important to me. We’re bonding again because of it.

These are three great examples of people who have shown me love in a way that I have felt it powerfully. So if anyone wishes to show me how much they love me, and want me to really feel it- give me your time, your attention .. . . and your interest.

(ATTENTION WHORE!!! Pppththththb!)

So that brings us to an equally important question:

Q: How do I show love to others?

A: I show love through touch and thoughtful concern. I call when I think about you, just to say hi and I was thinking of you. I leave a short note on your car windshield while you’re at work, also to let you know I thought of you. I remember your birthday and leave a card on your doorstep at midnight. I cook dinner for you (a damn good one). I send flowers. I give back rubs. I listen to you. I try to understand you. I offer a shoulder to cry on.

(I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. . . too much)

I could list a few examples here but that would take forever.

Knowing how I give and receive love helps me understand so much about my life and my relationships. Here are some ways I can see how I have messed up my relationships because of how I give and receive love.

1) I find myself apologizing to friends and family members when I share my true and deep feelings, for fear that I’ve over-stepped a boundary or shared too much. Maybe I have learned over time that my feelings are not valid? I feel guilty for sharing my feelings because I thought (perhaps incorrectly) as a child that sharing feelings is a burden to others? That is why I feel so much love when someone spends time talking to me. (OMG Jer- you are damaged)
2) I find sometimes that when a friend actually DOES spend time talking with me, I begin to feel so appreciated and valued that I interpret that feeling as a crush. It makes me want more. I can see now, how this has played out badly in some of my friendships. I must bridal this tendency to mistake simple friendship for love or romance. (Look out- that’s drama!)
3) I don’t accept compliments well, and I second guess true love and admiration even if it stares me in the face. I feel unlovable sometimes. (Wow Jer. Really? That’s sad.) YES REALLY, now stop interrupting! (cuckoo, cuckoo) And yes it is sad. I actually struggle to believe that anyone would take an interest in me. That is why I value the attention so much, and sometimes attention scares me because I fear it’s not real or won’t last. So when a date compliments me or flirts with me, it often goes completely unnoticed.
4) I don’t like big groups much, because I feel I fall through the cracks. Big groups suck the life out of me. I prefer one-on-one get-togethers or small groups.

So the question: “Jer, why are you still single?” gets asked a lot. I can’t just say “Cuz I’m damaged. . .lol”. That’s too close to the truth. I just say I don’t know. But truly, perhaps the answer really is that I just require a bit more love and attention than most, to actually get me feeling like there’s a connection. Perhaps I’m just scared that love won’t stay? (Maybe you’re high-maintenance!!! Did you think of that?).

I love people TOO MUCH. It scares them away. It’s stifling. Nobody wants to be stalked by a lover (Jer, just tone it down for gosh sakes)

So that’s the deal with me and love. Apparently I am a high maintenance lover. (Is this really how you intended to end this blog, Jer?) No, but its true.

Unrequited love is a bitch!

Have you ever had a crush on someone who didn't return the feelings? Yeah, I feel like a schoo-girl.

To hell with reality and screw morality; I wanna dance with my shirt off!

I feel wonderful. The very best thing I can say for the moment is: "To Hell with Reality and screw morality! I wanna dance with me shirt off!"

Sometimes life becomes too much. We spend so much time doing the right and good things. We spend our efforts and our time making things happen and making others happy. If your a parent, a volunteer, a friend, a human being, you know what I'm talking about. Reality weighs heavy sometimes. Tonight, I gave reality the bird and it feels wonderful.

I have a list of things going on in my life that are weighing heavily on me. I can feel it bottling, mounting for a future eruption. So tonight I did something I haven't done in a long time.

I called up some friends I haven't seen in a long time (not my usual group of friends) and I went to a night club and danced with no inhibitions. We took our shirts off and didn't care. The amazingly loud music, the shirtless chests and tight pants, the fog machines and lazers, the smell of sweat and pherimones, shoulder to shoulder bumping and grinding. . . Totally made me forget my worries for a few hours and just be in the moment. It was Carnality at its best and I LOVED it!

Thank you Cody, Natalie, Rob and Bryson for a wonderful night. Lets do it again!

If you're being weighed down by life's pressures, I recomend a vacation, even if for a few hours. Take a step out of the box. Get out of your comfort zone. Do something spontaneous and enjoy a night off. Do it safely. Enjoy the moment.

I am so happy right now!